dance magic

magical pyramidal houses built into the cliffside. wishing i had my camera, planning to take a walk later and take some photos with brad and jewel. trying to find the cabin i am renting for my birthday party on NW 23rd ave.  pick up some groceries for the party, stop for gas, brad has been driving and has adjusted the steering wheel so high it is over my head, and very hard to steer. i am all over the road, and yelling at him to help e fix the steering wheel, but he doesn't seem to know what i am talking about. then the brakes are not working either! we finally stop at an old gas station. they are remodeling, but agree to fix my brakes. the guy thinks he knows me from somewhere, maybe sufi camp? but i have never gone... we see some belly dancers, and they lead us into a strange, secret and magical building, where there is music and dancing, and costumes and props everywhere. i am wearing my dance togs, but they are old, worn out and falling apart.  the dancers know me, but the only one i remember is from marissa mission. they are trying to get me to dance, but i am very sad and say no, i don't dance anymore. they say didn't diamond used to dance? and i say yes, but she isn't trained anymore.  very sad. i need to start dancing again!

a dream quest

up at dybdahl's house john is getting ready to go hunting in an area near the distant small town of wall.  young zelah wants to join him,  but i would have to go and pick her up later. i decide after consulting a map, that i will head there on skis. the skis are old, made from a log cut in half, so the are rounded on the bottom and flat on top, with some sort of metal and leather bindings. and some kind of decorative covering at the front point, which i remember thinking would be marketable. i am skiing happily along, and it seems my father is with me, giving me advice.  good thing too, because the terrain is very rugged and steep. my father yells at me to stop just before i was about to ski off the edge of a cliff. he says "i told you to always check out the terrain before you ski down it!" he was right. it was very treacherous.  then i decide to follow some railroad tracks that seem to follow a safer route, but he is still chastising me. he is right, again it is very steep and i am wondering how the trains are able to make it down these crazy tracks, but i proceed carefully and it turns out ok. the tracks lead me into a small town, and the snow starts to become thinner and sparser, so i take off the skis and i am carefully climbing on very wet long grass, using egg beater sticks as walking sticks?  there are streams of melting snow and children are playing here. one child is swimming and playing in the water and i warn him that the stream is very cold and fast and dangerous for him to play in.  my father does not seem to be with me now, i think he did not want to risk the steep slope. (funny because he is a far better skier than i) i go into the town, still following the train tracks, and they seem to lead right inside a house. i apologize to the people for walking right in, and ask them if i am headed the right direction to wall. they are nice enough, and direct me through a strange little door in the wall. there are a couple of small doors, ostensibly to keep the cold out.  i ask if they can close the door behind me, as it has two sliding panels, and my hands are full with my pack and skis as i crawl out through the tiny opening.  i go to another building, and here we are building a fire with tiny sticks to keep warm. hope is there with her beautiful blue twinkling eyes, and heather with her baby. some one asks when they will be allowed to play the game_____? (i hope i will remember what it was called.) the answer was, when they were 13 and in the presence of a yak in some place. disappointed, we traveled on (seemed to have a different companion now, can't recall whom.) in the next town there was a yak, and some code was spoken, and i had been given two sticks from the previous place, and now it seemed we would begin to play this strange game, we were very excited! (then i woke up.  i very much wanted to go back to sleep and continue this strange quest. i did dream a bit more, but cannot recall any details.  this dream was very surreal and compelling.  it is relevant that my father was warning me of dangers, because he is someone i would often turn to for advice in the past, and he is no longer in that role. perhaps that is why i traveled on alone. hope and heather are two women that i admire a lot, and do seem to have a whimsical, magical comic side about them, so interesting that they seemed to hold the mystery of the game. also interesting that i was traveling to the town of wall, since boundaries and permeability have been a theme lately. also funny that i was going to pick up zelah, yet i did not bring my car. )

how to look at dreams...

        you can look at dreams like your own little movies.  you are the star, you may play the hero, the victim, or the villain. your subconscious mind is the director, imagination is the writer. the set can be anywhere in the universe,  the plot line is surreal, but the special effects are so fantastic you find yourself wrapped up in the story, believing that almost anything is possible.  when you wake up, it is like the credits are rolling. normal consciousness slowly returns and you think to yourself "man, that seemed so real". often there is thankfulness that it was not real, as the images can be quite disturbing.  Sometimes there is the wish, "If only that had been real..."  If only we could bring the treasures we find in dreams into our waking lives.  in a way, it is possible.
        By exploring the images we observe through dream analysis, we gain the valuable treasure of understanding the secret messages that this other world experience is trying to communicate to our awake self. the best time to look at your dreams is on a sleepy sunday morning, or anytime you have a chance to awaken slowly and really examine the images and themes from your night's adventuring.
        If we think about our dreams in a visual sense, we first notice that it is interesting that we can "see" with our eyes closed. try it now... it is not blackness that you see, but often colors. the red color is the most common, and has a simple scientific explanation, you are seeing the light shining through the tiny blood vessels in our eyelids.  you may even find that you can see the shapes of these capillaries, and their tiny pulsing movements.  that yellow shade could easily be the sunlight filtering through. but how can we explain the swirling colors and geometric patterns we see when the eyes are closed? the shapes of letters, words and symbols that a writer might see, or wasn't that the face of aunt mildred, who died long ago?  science falls short when we discuss the powers of the imagination.
the "eyes" we are seeing with now are not the physical eyes at all, but the mind's eye.
       throughout history, in all cultures, back to the dawn of time, humans have experienced dreams, visions, and altered states of consciousness.  just as long, we have tried to decipher the meaning behind these experiences, often looking to spiritual or supernatural explanations, in fact, these visionary experiences may well be said to be the source of all spiritual inquiry and religion!  many places and times would have burned the heretic who suggested that god, angels, ghosts, the devil and his minions were all nothing but images from the imagination and dreams, yet we find these symbols to be nearly universally occurring in dreams. i however, do not propose  that this makes these concepts false, no, to the contrary i would avow the radical notion that dreams themselves are as real as our waking life.
        just as descartes asked how we know what is real and what is a dream, i would turn that inside out and ask how do we know that our dream life is not real?  most humans spend eight out of every twenty four hours in sleep, that is one third of our lives!  if a person lives to be 75, they have spent 25 years asleep, and newer research tells us that much of this time is spent in dreams. yet, many people have no memory of their dreams at all.  this situation can be improved if a person chooses to devote time, effort and study to remembering and understanding dreams.  solving this puzzle can truly help a person comprehend the inner workings of their mind and psychology.  it can improve relationships, it can help us understand the nature of existence.  many grand inspirations have come through dreams, and many scientific problems have been solved, including the discovery of atoms and molecules. some dreams have even predicted future events. with all these possibilities, it would be foolish to leave this rich ground untilled.
        when examining symbols in dreams, it can be useful to use a good book, for much has been written on the subject.  a good book to look at is 20,000 dreams, by theresa francis-cheung,
 which i have paraphrased a bit in this writing.  of course freud and jung also have much to say on the subject, but aside from what you can learn from books, i encourage you to observe your dreams in detail.  writing down everything you can remember.  then really think about those images and details.  freud was big on using free association, jung spoke of archetypes, but your own intuition is often the best guide.  what did aunt mildred mean to you? when you saw the snake eating the apple, did you think of eve? when your cousin held the dog turd to her mouth like a cigar, what did that mean? the images can be quite bizarre, but they often hold some metaphor for a circumstance in life. my cousin was really talking some crap last time i saw her. maybe i should call her and see if she is doing ok?  when the car is spinning out of control and there are no breaks, does this mean that my life is out of control?  when  i ran over the pedestrian and she died, did it foretell that i would witness a terrible accident 3 days later?  many times the images will fill your head with these types of questions, and life will sometimes gradually sort them out for you. was the dream trying to tell me to pay more attention when i am driving? maybe i could have avoided that fender bender. also when you see someone you know in a dream, it is often important that you tell them the dream. you may have an important message that they need to hear.  another way of looking at dream characters is to consider if they may represent aspects of yourself that you should take a look at.
        no matter how you look at it, dreams are a fountain of information about your inner life.  by looking at dreams, you cannot help but get to know yourself better, and by understanding ourselves, perhaps we can better understand our world. keep dreaming!

Francis-Cheung, Theresa. The Element Encyclopedia of 20,000 Dreams: The Ultimate A-Z to Interpret the Secrets of Your Dreams. London: HarperElement, 2006. Print.

lucid dream

was lucid dreaming this morning between snooze alarm beeps. canoeing up the front of gigantic waves crying out oh $#!+ then down the other side. and i mean impossibly gigantic. i found i could control the size, temperature, and intensity with my mind.  thinking this next waves is going to be a nice warm gentle splash in the face. ( this shows that when circumstance thows big scary obstacles in our path, we can control how they effect us by our attitudes. coming on shore i thought to myself now there will be a nice freshwater lake to wash the salt off me and then there was. the next part was deeper and i lost the lucidity, it involved the yard flooding and children swimming and playing in the mud. must type more later...gotta get ta work...

the dream

childlike, broken open
the dream comes again
guilt anger pain
i want to do things differently
go back in time
in the dream
the house still sits
empty
waiting
and you are still alive
i advocate for your return
reading old love letters
written on scraps of paper
glued together from your collection
explain to liz how my mom did you wrong
years later another breakdown
i wake and worry
don't let me be next.

vermicular parasites.

Have been having parasite dreams again this week. last night we were on a bus, with z and my ma. people were setting up booths and selling things. we were looking at some bags and a jacket that imani was making, checking out her handywork, and z was interested in buying a bag to carry books, but i wasn't quite sure the design was rights for books and suggested maybe she could get something customized.  firewalker was there and when i asked how he was doing he said not well at all, as he still had vermicular parasites, in fact he was looking thin and pasty white.  hmmm.

homeland security

was training for some position vital to national security, did not follow the rules and got in BIG TROUBLE! go figure....

bobcat and piano

haven't been keeping up with my dreams lately, need to get back in the habit of writing them every morning.  when i work on it i usually remember them every night, when i let it slide they drift away.  however, i did see a bobcat in my dream last night. also, recently have been playing piano in my dreams, and i can remember seeing the music in detail and figuring out the notes. also need to get back in the habit of regular piano practice. so many hobbies... so many jobbies!

urban camping

gar, my sister? and i are moving in with my mom? into a big house in the suburbs that has separate apartments, but my space will be a large tent on a large covered patio.  i am ok with this, and am trying to get my things organized in a functional way, but i get snippy when i feel criticized based on my lack of feng shui. i say if i get criticized about feng shui one more time i will take my tent ant things and move far out to the wilderness away from all the humans! z is a kiddo eating a granola bar that is specially design to be good for kids teeeth. but she says " after this i want candy!" i am explaining to her that she will not be getting any. my mom brings me a gift. but it seems to be nothing but a box full of packing tissue confetti and candy wrappers. it rains and the tent leaks, mom is concerned about me seeing the neighbor in her lingerie, because we will be sharing a bathroom. i am more concerned about her getting tired of hearing us argue and what about my sex life... ugh... problems.

time travel

i was back in the 1930's i believe, and going shopping with damos at a neat little store. he was looking for ear baubles and finger bells, and he wanted to be sure the finger bells would fit well, but i explained that you just sew them to custom fit your fingers. didn't find it odd that he needed them. we were going to meet his family, and was worried that they wouldn't like him dating a white lady.

dreams and nightmares

winter has asked me to help with her food cart, and we are setting up in my old trailer which is all fixed up. we are making wontons, like funky puffs only somehow healthier. i tell her my mom said wontons would be good. i am also advising her to get a mule or two large goats to pull the trailer. she says no way! but i'm like look, then you'd have goat milk, you can use the hair to knit sweaters, and you can charge 1$ for kids to pet them! then we are having a birthday party for the kids at an ice rink. at first everything is fine, then the kids put skates on thier hands too, then the ice all melts and it turns into a swimming pool, and we are complaining to the management that we paid to rent an icerink, not a swimming pool. later kevvy is giving someone a haircut. i make some remark, and he comes over to give me and baby zelah a hug. somehow he accidentally breaks zelah's neck and she dies. he doesn't realize what he has done, but i am devastated. lots of strange ones lately.

pizza with canadian bacon please...

visiting canada in my dream. it is snowing again, but we are preparing for a huge party on a college campus there are hundreds of pizzas and giant jugs of beer. this is what i was raised to think the college experience would be all about. thanks hollywood!

flying through snow

two powerful dream images last night. in one i was teaching eric how to fly. he had cut off his long hair.  i opened the window and it was snowing heavily.  i leaned out to take off, but it was very high, i had a moment of doubt, and eric pulled me back inside. in the room i flew around, and showed him that diamond and trogdor could fly too. then we were going to bed, in separate beds in the room. (reminds me a bit of a recent dream about the cabin in california and trying to find a bed that was unoccupied. in that dream i was given a charge to take care of colin.)
   in this other dream, i was in the woods, (beltain?) and i was blessed and given gifts by three goddesses. artemis, aphrodite, and ( eris? ) the gifts were beautiful lengths of fabric, like saris, hand dyed in rich hues. i was trying them on and choosing my favorite. also there was some kind of sale, with many bicycles, i wanted a red one. after the sale a man let me have one. another man had sent flowers and i received love letters as well. as i was sitting reading over the letters, trying to discern who had sent the gifts, i was explaining how happy and blessed i was, but that i was unsure who to thank because my memory was so bad with names that i was not sure who these kind men were. the man i was talking to just got up and walked away, so i think it was him that gave me the bicycle and one of the letters, and i felt very bad that i had offended him when i wanted to thank him. ( i think this dream says a lot about being grateful for all my blessings, which i have been working on, and i have also been reading and meditating on goddess energies. it also says something about my relationship choices with men.  i have had many wonderful relationships with men, but many challenging problems in that department as well. i am always thinking i could find a better relationship when i have struggles with the one i am with. ie., the one that got away. i know that i need to own my share of the problem, and look at what i can do to improve the way i interact with a partner in order to learn how to co-create a healthy relationship. perhaps being more present, having gratitude for gifts, and remembering past lessons is a key this dream was offering me. perhaps this will help me fly.)

last night i was flying an airplane through a thick forest of giant trees with sal, then i was in a tree trying to figure out how to get down, or get the plane flying again. strong deja vu that i have had a similar dream before. late we were doing research on a live chupacabra specimen. it looked like a mis-shaped pig. then i was moving into an apartment with rob? (and prin) and his girlfriend who looked like karen. they wanted to do my hair and do a dance # with me. my hair was much longer and fuller and brown. i was looking through some cassettes, but couldn't find a suitable one. they left and i discovered they had "cleaned out" my freezer and thrown out over 75$ worth of food! i was pissed and kept punching pillows. then i apologized for my  outrage and explained that if they did not decide which of my things was garbage, i would extend them the same courtesy. i went outside for some air and found a giant amazing garden that apparently everett had planted. i was checking it out and i caught the neighbor stealing dirt with a device that went over the fence to scoop it up. i asked rob if he was aware of this. it seemed they had a lot of animals in a very small yard, and needed the soil for pet litter. then more guests arrived with their children, some of which were deformed or mentally challenged, but still quite charming. this dream certainly reflects my waking life as of late.

struck by lightning

visiting aunt laurie and her new "man friend"? in a cute cottage where each room has its own theme. she complains that he wants to make a commitment with her, but only wants sex once a month. i tell her he is probably a christian. i am resting on the couch when lightning strikes the house, making a hole in the roof and sending a pile of old leaves and stuff down onto my head! i am concerned that the roof is on fire, but it seems we are spared from that. then we are planning to by a hair salon as an investment for a friend in prison, and checking into the legalities. hmm.

moari dance

i am at the mall. i shoplift a miniskirt, but i accidentally leave my jacket behind. i think oh, well, that is a fair trade, but when i go downstairs there is my jacket, someone left it there for me. a group of maori men are singing and doing a dance. an older man of the tribe is talking with me. i am thinking of dating him, but wonder how they treat their women. later we are in the movie sixteen candles, but there is a 1950's pageant with dancing and singing. we are judging the dancers i think.one woman sings and dances to elvis, all shook up and keeps forgetting the lyrics. i say "i've done that." we are looking at the variety of different shoes. one woman has heels of two very different heights. then there is a football game with a movie playing on a large screen behind it. i note that every one in the live audience is cheering as a goal is scored which seems to be synchronous with some important action in the movie...strange. brad is there, telling me how he used to be into football, but not anymore.

Sailing..

sailing with b, we are washing the sail in the sea. we are on the dock and she slowly lowers me into the water. i am surprised that the water is warm, clear blue and I say "this is the ocean!? in Oregon?" I am also surprised that my head does not go under. she notices the boat is rapidly drifting away from the dock and asks me to swim after it! we swim as fast as we can, it is really in a current. but we seem to catch it and get it back to dock somehow. later there is a party, which is awkward because i seem to have invited too many, and some odd guests. brad is there, and z's father (whom i do not get along with) patti d., and also i think will and dingo (who do not get along well either)  we are playing an interesting game which requires holding up an odd object and repeating strange words, nonsensical sounds or some action such as a secret handshake. you must remember the action that goes with each object as we pass them around. the game is actually a hoot and really breaks the ice. i mention that it is saturday, and we should party down because i will have to go home on sunday.

family by the river

day with the family by the river. layla, kim, liz, my dad, and others are there. the river is fast with rapids, and people are getting sucked into whirlpools, but everyone seems to come out ok, and i am saying " i have two boats. let's  do this again, and next time i will bring them."  we are making plans and loading up gear, deciding who will ride in which car, some one drives off with my car and i am pissed. they keep revving the engine and i am angry that they are wasting my gas.  when we catch up with them, we see it is my dad, and he has taken my car apart and is making it into a sedan. now i am very pissed, but he says " i am just showing you your options, besides i might want to buy this car.", " it is not for sale! put it back how it was!" i wake up.

walking shamans path

received shakti pat again in a vision, this time from a female figure (rio, regina?)" at a distance, but in the same manner.  driving home, i see ray skateboarding near the corner of 42nd and prescott. i squeal my brakes recklessly to a stop to ask him," am i one of those crazy drivers you are talking  about? just razzing him. i didn't know you lived in the neighborhood? he invites me over. i show him my bicycle and we compare. he wants to do a little work on mine, but doesn't have the right tool.  i meet his wife, who is telling me all about her art project, which involves hundreds of pieces of tissue and joss paper which are spread all over their basement. she is trying to get me to work on it with her, but i make excuses and sneak off to find the bathroom, only to find the toilet is clogged with $#!+, also in a bucket under the sink oozing from pipes, and in the sink. ray is embarrassed, and says they are having some work done on the plumbing. i decide to help his wife after all, (she looks a bit like jennifer) i ask her if she is showing her work, she says no. i suggest some places. i try her technique and it comes out pretty cool. i suggest making an art book, or using all the pages to wallpaper a small room. i meet the kids, there are 3 or 4. two beautiful young native american looking boys approach me. i ask if they know eric, they remind me of him. they say no. i seem to become one of them.  (i have been shape shifting a bit lately.) an older boy comes and wants to fight. we take on glowing fire forms to do battle. afterward, i am trying to hide in the trees to meet with my young friend. we hide under bleachers, but a young girl finds us. i fall in love with her and must protect her.  we are going deeper into the woods to hide. i ask my father, ray, for a blanket. there are a few to choose from, we select one that is large enough, hanging on a chair. my father says ok, that one is clean. we walk into the trees, seeking cover. our path is strewn with rainbows. we find the hot springs and want to go in, but my dogs have muddied the waters with their play i say that is ok, it is natural. we enter the waters, still in hiding. there are othe people there, but not the ones who are trying to fight us. wake up.

pandemonium revisted

living in my trailer with a baby z. it rolls down a hill and around a corner and smashes into the pandemonium bus. we are creating  cirkus encampment, but the authorities are there harassing people.  i am making art to decorate the trailer out of objects levi is throwing away as he dismantles the bus.

shirley temple.

dreamed i was shirley temple at the grocery store?

parade

i am altering a vest for brad to wear to a wedding. taking two panels out, several inches. it seems he has lost a bit of weight, we joke about needing to let it out again later. i am showing him a video we made of a parade we did. i am wearing a very elaborate rainbow cape/wings that i made, and there is a giant rolling beer car for zelah to ride in. it is a commercial for something. i am telling him that we always wanted to do this.

worms

twice lately in dreams i have had worms extruding from my hands and feet. trying to find a cure for this parasitic invasion.

receiving shakti-pat

had not written dreams down for several nights. had been reading and sharing some information about shakti. decided to sleep with my head at the foot of the bed.  was dreaming along (maybe something about noah?) suddenly felt i had aligned with some sort of dream nexxus or target, entered a state of half sleep, received a clear vision, of a man that reminded me of joe piscadlo. he quickly dropped into a warrior III position and shot an arrow of energy/light right at me. i immediately felt that i was "receiving shaktipat" and a strong urge to seal in the energy by placing my finger on my clittorus.  afterwards i received an image that i needed to clean out the litterbox, physically and metaphorically. i was then directed by intuition to lie in reclined cobbler, contemplate and remember what i could about this experience and do the heart polishing estaferallah exercise.  i have been receiving strong synchronous and dream messages about awakening/ embodying divine feminine energy (shakti) lately. i have also had strong urges to make positive changes in my habits and lifestyle, which i have been working on. the "litterbox vision" is a clear directive to continue work on this inner and outer spring cleaning. i was further awakened by my dog coming to lie with me and i felt confused that he approached from the left side, as i was a bit disoriented by being "upside down" in my bed. i also had a good talk with my mother and my daughter this evening. i have a strong feeling that i am being prepared to take large strides now in my yoga practice, dreamwork, spiritual and life path. these simple, powerful visions tell me i am on the right path and am being rewarded for diligence. now to humbly continue the work.

bling

i am making a beautiful sparkling mermaid jingle-belt with green and orange shimmering fringe for a young z in our belly dance class. mary ellen and the two of us are piled on a tiny bicycle carrying gear, going down steep hills. almost crash more than once and i say "i don't think this tiny bike is designed for this," but we are ok. cleaning up massive garbage/ homeless hunter's camps in the woods, they arrive and are not happy,,, lots of strange ones last night...

top model hawaii

going to hawaii for some fancy modeling contest. going too stay with aunt b.aunt patti seems jealous. swimming in the open sea beyond view of land or boat. ordering a simple salad from a fancy restaurant. trying to decide what to wear, playing dress up with the ladies, they start bustin' out freestyle rap with harmony- lovely. restaurant refuses to serve half of our group, i share my salad with z. back home damos invites me to a luau, and i am trying to decide if i am too tired.- royals

everything always goes wrong...

caring for jeannette/becky refinishing hardwood floors. showing my mother the hallway i painted, blue with light blue trim, purple floor, and each doorway a different color. the floors are almost done, but the fire alarm goes off. not sure why.  we are able to turn the alarm off, but then the sprinklers are going off! we get jeannette outside, wet and cold. try to find her some dry clothes, but they are way too small. she runs into the house yelling, "i'm cold, i'm cold!" we get the water turned off and get her a burrito, of course she wants hers a certain way, and i am eating the rejects. there is a lot of water every where, and i try to mop it up, but it is quite deep. i use a shop vac. the new finish is peeling up every where, i try to scrub it off with a broom, but i am pretty sure i can fix it.

wild ride

sunny day, riding to the river in a van with jasin fell. (hippie) i am driving his van, brakes are lousy. get pulled over for speeding, but can't stop. finally he switches places with me and he is able to stop the van. the cops know him and give him a hard time but no ticket. down by the river it is very crowded, we must park and walk a ways carrying gear. it is like a rainbow gathering in portland, crazy wingnut hippies everywhere. jasin takes off somewhere and i am floating on an air mattress with my sleeping bag and gear. i think i am going to float to shore , but obviously my sleeping bag gets wet and heavy and things start sinking. somehow i make it to shore and there is a rainbow kitchen, with people cooking and complaining how hard it is to get anything done with so many lazy people everywhere. i tease them, relaxing on my mattress saying yep, i been all over, lazy people everywhere! i am playing with the children, it is someone's birthday, i decide to take a shower, but i get water all over the floor. trying to clean it up. -(pink cadillac)

yoga class anxieties

Debra and the ladies are arriving and the room is a mess. furniture everywhere. i don't know how many chairs to set  out, and more students keep arriving, college students that have seen my ad are coming, talkative, rearranging everything, bringing children and dogs, i keep trying to teach and adapt to the chaos, continually moving more furniture out of the way, but kids just won't settle down and focus. some students leave in frustration. at one point it turns into a circle dance.  in another scenario, i am driving down a terrible road, trying to find "grandpa's farm" an old rainbow farm...more obstacles and struggles ensue.

grandy is lost

traveling with z and wanderlust in a bus. they have a carousel of pole dancers and i want to get on. i am not in the show, but it seems they need more dancers, so i just go for it. i thought they would put me in when they saw me dance, but noah is not amused. the bus stops at a beach town and we see several small geysers. grandma kay and i get off the bus and are trying to cross the road in traffic. we find a kitten and decide to adopt it. later every one is going on the bus to the next town, and we realize that grandy is not aboard. they say "she will be fine," but i tell them she is crazy, has no money, and no i.d. my mother and winter offer to drive back to the town with me to find her. later i do a lovely dance with 2 swords. surely this is the act they need to spice up the show?

scrapping

scrapping on my bicycle, looking at toys and doll house furniture with a young z. realize i have left my purse in the open with contents spilling out and lots of people around, concerned they will steal things.  for some reason i must carry my bike down a fire escape ladder. it is rusted and falling off the building. i make it safely to the ground, but realize i have left things up at the top, and don't know how i will be able to climb back up. (much more)
-(everything she wants -george micheal)

alien child

i have given birth to a small greyish malformed baby. my sister babysits for a time, and when the child comes back to me it has grown some and is walking. i am very upset that i have missed seeing it take its first steps. then it is decided that the child is a special incarnation and must be devoted to shiva and raised in a temple. later i am visiting him in the temple he is grown now, and there are sacred objects i would like to offer a trade for, but all i have to trade are some tiny crystals and some opium, which is crumbling and spilling as i look through my bag, thinking that is not appropriate, but i offer to trade the crystal for a woven dreamcatcher like object. they will not accept the trade, but do offer to let us stay for a meal.

fishing

the fishing is good and we are reeling in the big ones, salmon and others. salvadore, james and layla are in the boat on the river. but then a wave comes over the edge of the boat and we must start bailing it out. we can't bail fast enough and the boat goes under. we frantically try to save our gear and the boat. part two we are having a large garage sale with a lot of large art, after the sale we must move it out and clean it up, but everthing keeps falling apart. people are rushing us, and i start yelling about how everything is going wrong and no one will help us.

million dollar dress...

i am working on computers in a giant corporate building.  they install some strange new program that i don't like because it is evil. i have to keep moving around the building acting busy so they won't find out i am boycotting them. outside there is a massive storm with sheets of rain and fierce winds and lightning striking everywhere. i am inside a large glass atrium, and i want to go home. i can see the giant house outside and i wonder if i should make a run for it, or stay where i am sheltered, not sure if i am safe here either. somehow i get to the house, and it is giant and fancy. zelah, siva, and i live there, but it is also like a shopping mall. they are talking about a million dollar dress, and we are joking about it, wondering why it is so expensive. i say i want to try it on, but the sales people are like "we don't think you have that kind of credit."

sledding on the frozen ocean

she awoke slowly, an image appeared before her of a man, running at her in anger. then it was gone.  she dressed herself warmly to go out and face the weather.  it had snowed again, and she found herself walking on top of a slippery slope.  the cousins were sledding down to the frozen ocean, but the sea was not flat, it was filled with great frozen waves.  the children were sledding into the waves, and she tried it too, scared, skidding out of control, laughing.  the waves begin to thaw and break apart. her brother was sledding down, and he chose a different path than the others.  she watched in horror as he plunged into the icy water.  she went to the edge, waiting fearfully as he was under the water too long. she lay down upon the ice and reached her hand into the frigid water, and he grasped her hand and popped up out of the water laughing, "i fooled you sis" he came out of the water in his dripping snowsuit...

riding a camel

i see the prince impersonator talking with (johnny d?) he is mad at me and will not speak to me, saying i lied to him about something, i apologize, but state that i had been incorrect, not intentionally lying. he still turns and walks away. i am unable to walk and have some kind of rolling device which i must ride on, difficult to maneuver through the crowded street (last thursday?) stop to look at books and movies, but i am a little short on money. a women comes along, riding backwards on a camel! i ask her if i can ride, and she lets me, but the camel bolts and i promptly fall off. i can at least walk normal now. i see my mother, in a field of grass, dappled with sunlight and shade. i go sit with her. someone is lighting fireworks, and one comes right at me lodging in the left side of my neck. we wait nervously for it to explode, unable to get it off for some reason. it finally goes bang, but half of it is still in my neck and i am sure i will have hearing damage. i go to a hospital and must have surgery.

gem teeth

we are visiting a commune in the woods, yet within ptld. city limits. we wake up and people are talking about going for a swim in a deep well. i am wondering if the water is clean/ safe for swimming? as we walk there we pass some shabby buildings, and they are talking about the problems they have here with homeless squatters. we come to a large nice building and go inside. an artist is explaining how he makes dentures, bridges and oral prostheses with semi precious stones. i decide i should get something made. (was just reading that freud had to have his jaw and palate removed due to cancer, and had to wear a painful prosthetic for many years.-the interpretation of dreams-) perhaps i will remeber more details later...

cats in the woods..

we have been camping, and we are driving. mom keeps asking which way to go? i say no, that road is terrible...that one you have to drive across the river...don't know if that one is passable. we see someone camping with their cat, and i remember that shadow has been lost in the woods for a year! mom says we should just leave her there, because she is probably happy there and acclimated to being wild. besides, she is so old, she may not still be alive, and we should just leave her to die. but i insist we stop and call her. is this near our spot? (probably near stinson flats) i call her. i see a young boy holding a kitten. i think i see her! ...nope that cat has dark grey stripes. there she is, nope that one is spotted. i call and call, so many cats in the woods! finally she comes to me and i am so happy, hugging her and taking her home.

not sure exactly what this dream is saying, definitely something about choosing my path, and finding what i am looking for, not giving up on those i love, responsibility. will think on this one.

pregnant?

i need to wake up and get ready for work. my room is a mess and zelah is taking a bath in my room with a bunch of my stuff getting wet in the tub. i get mad at her and start yelling she starts throwing my stuff around. i am just trying to find what i need to get dressed and ready, but i start puking. i try to yell, but my tongue is swollen and i am losing my voice. i find out they are planning to tear my wall down and need my whole room rearranged now! no one gave me any notice. i go to the living room and my roommates and my cousin tell me that they took a vote, and i am being evicted! what! i am so pissed, but i can barely squeak!  i ask my cousin to help me call in sick to work, and damos answers. i did not know he worked at home instead!  i am nervous to tell him i am throwing up, because i think i might be pregnant, and i am not sure if the baby would be his or erik's!  very stressful dream.  third time a bathtub has appeared in my dreams lately, though i did soak at common grounds a couple nights ago. i awoke with my mouth very dry which accounts somewhat for the swollen tongue feeling, although i am not sick now. i see the bathtub as trying to contain my emotions, but once again, things are getting  wet as water splashes out. puking is also a common theme in my dreams, and can represent purging, getting rid of things that are bad and need to be released, especially things inside me that i want to change (character flaws) also there has been talk of pregnancy, though i do not feel ready for that, it has been on my mind. ironically,  i have not seen damos or erik in over a year now, and i never slept with erik.  losing my voice has to do with not being able to express myself, and tearing down my wall could also be another metaphor for the need to let things out, though i am not sure what it is that i am repressing. the wall being torn down, and me getting evicted probably has to do with my worries and insecurities about the house, which needs a lot of work, and i am behind on bills. pregnancy also represents creativity and projects, so maybe i need to set aside more time for art and creative self expression. if you don't use that voice, you will lose it!

cambio de repuesto?

i am stuck in mexico, wondering how to say spare change?, in spanish. i am polishing my nails golden, walking in the market, i over hear two young american kids talking about nail polish and money. the boy has an unusual round ten dollar bill which is from some movie (keanu reeves?) he is wondering if it is worth anything, i tell him i think it is neat and ask the girl how do you say spare change? she is telling me and hands me 7$ american. i tell her that is too much, i can only accept 1$. there is a line of ragged prisoners tied up on the beach some of them seem familiar, like rainbow family. i marvel at how simple everything is here. in the water there are a couple of beautiful glowing ponies, frolicking in and out of a fenced "pasture" in the sea. outside the fence, also in the water, there are many people walking by. i really want to greet and pet the ponies,(maybe mules) but an older mexican man tells me no, that is not safe. i want to get around the fencing to another part of the beach, but i ca't really figure out how. i wake up pondering... i usually never paint my nails, but was recently considering getting a manicure from my cousin,(though i can't really afford it.) i went out with katy last night to dup. frank was telling me about his website www.spange.com?.  i told him that my friend had just told me that many who are spiritually in tune will be starting businesses and websites around now, which rang true, as many of my friends who are interested in the spiritual life are doing just that!  interesting times! keanu reeves is relevant to the keanu code, but i am not sure if it was him on the money or some other actor. not sure what the playful ponies represent. yesterday was a very good and synchronous day, my dreamlife has been rich and insightful this past week as i have written them almost every morning, and my dream group went really well too yesterday. the night before last i had a strange discomforting dream, which i did not post due to its private nature, but there is a general theme of increasing abundance, puging and getting rid of unneeded crap, and working hard now for future gain. oh, i was also creating art in a dream last night, and that is definitely my dream telling me i need to paint!

tom waits

i dream that tom waits is my roommate and we are riding bikes downtown. i am riding his bike, and i notice it is very hard to ride. it is so tall and i am leaning way forward. he says it is because it is a racing bike, but i notice the front wheel is very small and has no tire, i am riding on the rim. i apologize profusely telling him i will get him a new wheel. in another scenario, winter tells me that collin will be working in the whitehouse!  these dreams seem quite random and out of context...will have to think on them...

magic school

we are taking a magic class (harry potter style) our challenge is to use our faith and intention to travel on what seems an ordinary sheet of plywood, but when we focus and believe, it will hover and fly.  my partner and i are trying to ride the thing, but it keeps stopping and we fall off. we are going up a giant flight of stairs, and i try to free climb, finding a new challenge at each steep treacherous step. hand grips and supports fall off, there are machines that tell you to dance on a tiny ledge, and other strange assignments. we were given some magical food (biscuits with jelly and some other things) which helps us make our plywood fly, but we must ration it to last for our entire quest. we are trying to cross a river on our plywood, but we keep falling in. finally our instructor comes to tell us we are out of time and tows us back to shore, telling us that class is over for today,  and we will have to try again tomorrow.  my partner is tired, hungry and discouraged and wants to eat all the magical food.  i try to tell her we must save it for tomorrow's challenge, and i am trying to find some regular food for us instead, because those biscuits and jelly are mighty tasty and tempting!.....i wake up to write this dream and binge on my leftover valentines chocolate! i meant to save it in my purse to share with friends, but i ate it all.  this dream is a clear metaphor for life. each day we face many challenges, and we must focus with all our ability on our faith and intention in order to achieve goals, or even just to survive! if our focus or faith wavers, we fall and must try again. if we give in to temptation, we can be led astray and miss our goal. things go wrong, but we must keep striving. there are teachers who can lead us and advise us, but our strong will tells us to do it our own way. often those teachers aren't around when we are struggling, but come at the end of the day to remind us of our mistakes.  this was a very insightful dream, but i still compulsively ate the chocolate (eating healthy is an important goal i am struggling with.) now that the temptation is gone, i will renew my intention and go get some regular (healthy) food and stay true to my goal of getting my butt to the gym this morning!

journeys

dreamed my father had returned from a long journey with uncle don before he died. i got home and was surprised to see him standing there, smiling. he had shaved his beard and his hair was dark again, he looked young.  we had been staying in his nice home, taking care of it, and he was disappointed that there was dog poop all over the yard. i was proud of the way we had kept the place, and felt that was an unimportant detail. he showed us a slide show of his trip, and i was pointing out a shot to zelah where we were rolling head over heals down a steep sand dune into the sea. saying how much fun it had been, how it was steeper than it looked, and how warm and blue the sea had been. there also seemed to be video footage of a boat ride, and some kind of strange pilgrimage with severely deformed people climbing a steep cliff. we sat down to dinner with mom, and had an in depth conversation about politics, money, and freedom. my dad was saying that wealth increased  freedom, and i got angry with him and said that as wealth was hoarded by the minority, freedom was decreasing for the majority (the poor). we argued and i got very emotional, standing up and shouting nothing will change until you realize that I AM EXACTLY THE PERSON THAT YOU RAISED ME TO BE!

shopping again

several recurring images and themes in last night's dream...a bathtub over flowing, which we seemed to be viewing remotely on a video screen that was recording occurrences in in reb and josh's house from which they were being evicted. we were going there, maybe to retrieve belongings, riding a bus. reb made insulting remarks about my hairdo and my sense of style, and my cooking. i slapped her face which seemed horribly disfigured, scarred from a fire perhaps, but with open sores as well. i said something like, " i told you i would slap you if you ever insulted me again," and then after that we seemed to be friends again, stopping at an open market and a thrift store where her friend worked, (maybe kendra?) her friend would let us have whatever we wanted for free. isreal and zelah were small again, and all of us did not have much since the eviction. the store was odd, and didn't have much in the way of useful clothes, but we found a lot of hats and very artsy short miniskirts, not very good for this rainy winter day. we picked out a few things, but i said i wanted to give a donation if i could just find a nice dress. and i wanted something warm for zelah so i got her a blanket/ poncho to wrap up in.  i went to find the donation, and i was embarrassed because my purse spilled everywhere and the lady saw that i had weed in there. it was ok though, she accepted a nug as part of the donation.

fairie gathering

in the woods, a magical house with charming leprechaun children with green glowing eyes. every one is talking about ravens and raven feathers. conundrum takes a bath and the water is flooding onto the floor. i scoop it up and pour it out the window, watching as it creates a little stream and waterfall. i see a raven. connundrum won't get out of my space so that i can have my bath. he wants to talk, but i just want to be alone.  i tell him to talk to mary ellen, she likes ravens. i think we should buy this little house, but the salesman is trying to sell me a new oldsmobile instead. half now, half later. hmm, i will think about it...

driving blind

was waiting for a yoga class to begin, teacher running late, dozed off in my car. dreamed she came and asked me for a ride, i was driving full speed, but could not see where i was going. trying to adjust the seat, mirrors, etc. still could not see. showed her my eyes and they were very messed up. then she told me to pull over and she would drive, but she could not control the car either, kept going off the road, almost hitting a flock of geese, pedestrians etc. woke up several times and dozed off again, could not shake the drowsy feeling. don't know if teacher ever arrived or not. hours passed. finally drove home with sunglasses on. really need to get my eyes checked!

last night i dreamt...

i was traveling, i had to climb up a dangerous ledge.  some men saw me up there and i had to hide.  i left my bag of my art on the ledge and there was no way to retrieve them.  i went to a big parking lot and ran into sparrow and babs.  they were getting ready for a rainbow event.  a man came up and i said i liked his tshirt.  he said ELO is playing tonight are you going?  i said probably not, i don't have a ticket.  he said i will give you a ticket.  i said okay, but we drove separately, so i will follow you.  i went to get in my car, but someone had stolen the door!  everything else was there, but no door.  there was a freebox, and free wine, but they wanted me to fill out a form so that they could keep there rainbow party parking lot going.   i was hesitant to sign the form, but they did have a good thing going.